Notes From the Couch - What to Do When You Run Out of Lemons

Miracle Grow Fertilizer - Notes From the Couch - What to Do When You Run Out of Lemons

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Several weeks ago, I wrote a column about surviving the inescapable storms of marriage. Here I plan to follow up with some helpful words of wisdom about surviving the inescapable storms of life. For most of us, life does not turn out as we originally planned. As children and young adults, we all originate visions and fantasies about the future. We dream about thriving and involving careers, falling in love, marriage and family, and most important, health and longevity. While some are dealt a more promising deck than others, we all encounter unforeseen bumps in the road. As humans we must learn to face adversity, cope with loss and adapt accordingly when life throws us an unwelcome curve ball. At times, life can be exceptionally harsh, and we must dig deep to find strength, restore hope and declare reliance in a brighter future.

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Miracle Grow Fertilizer

My personal motto is Live, Dream and Thrive. In order to live, we must embrace the gift moment and count our blessings for the gifts that are here right now, because things can change with the blink of any eye. In order to dream, we must believe in miracles, shoot for the stars and never decide for complacency. In order to thrive we must convention these things as often as possible, each and every day of our lives. Over the procedure of history humans have endured ultimate hardships. The survival instinct is a powerful one, hard wired into the most primitive areas of our brain and nervous system.

The term resilience comes to mind, a idea that has been heavily researched in psychology, sociology and biology. It means to re-group, recover, bounce back, restore, and prevail in the face of harsh change, adversity or hardship. One of the most foremost life skills we can learn and teach to our children and grandchildren is the quality to make lemonade, when life hands us a bunch of sour lemons. However what do we do when we can't find the lemons? Now we must work even harder, acquire the drive to find the seeds, plant them in the ground and wait for the darn tree to grow. When it feels as if the world is crashing down nearby us and the storm will never clear, remember the three P's: Patience, Persistence and a inescapable Belief.

Approximately 5 years ago, I learned of a friend who was diagnosed with a rare and potentially fatal form of cancer. She was beautiful, young and healthy, in the early stages of marriage and ready to start a family. The pathology turned her world upside down, and threatened not only her life, but her quality to enjoy a woman's god given gift- the gift of carrying her own child inside of her body. Despite her shock, grief, and fear of the long and painful road ahead, she was able to dig deep, face the challenge and summon a courage she never knew she possessed.

My friend became her own strongest advocate, conducting explore and refusing to succumb to the temptation of complacency. She did not stop with the first healing opinion. Instead, she studied the research, spent hours at her computer and consulted with many dissimilar professionals. She underwent crisis fertility treatments with her husband, in order to frost wholesome embryos in the event that she should lose her ovaries and uterus and require a surrogate. Most important, she narrowed her crusade to three famous surgeons, all with high success rates for treating this rare form of cancer. She ultimately chose a extremely aggressive and invasive route, mainly due to her young age, her desire to start a family, and her determination to rid her otherwise wholesome body of disease.

I recall having evening meal with my friend shortly before she was scheduled to leave for Washington, D.C. To receive her healing treatment. Her gorgeous blue eyes sparkled with health and vitality, and she smiled her warm, loving smile as she shared details of the weeks ahead. I was mesmerized by her beauty and her courage, and somehow, in that moment I knew she would find a way to beat the odds. She asked me to visualize her in the days and weeks to come, surrounded by a white light of healing, and a heated golden light of warmth and comfort. She told me that she was practicing this visualization rehearsal every day, and it gave her drive and courage to proceed.

The surgery was an stupendous success, and my friend returned home to begin her healing process. The last time I saw her, we had lunch almost 18 months following her surgery. She sat over the table from me, seeing so young and strong and filled with life, cradling a healthy, gorgeous baby girl in her arms. Her baby was a miraculous gift from god- the goods of a natural conception-and a testament to her mother's powerful faith, courage and endurance.

Much to my sadness and regret we lost touch straight through the years, but I think of her often as a shining example of resilience, hope and courage. I truly believe she might not have survived, had she allowed herself to sink into a black hole of self pity, bitterness and despair. Instead she gathered her resources and with grace and dignity, she faced her challenge with a inescapable attitude. She is my inspiration, and I hope she is out there somewhere reading this story now, because I want to thank her for the episode she taught me. It is a episode about courage and love and beating the odds, and we all can benefit from following her example.

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