Fostering an outstanding Personality in Your Young Child

Miracle Grow Fertilizer - Fostering an outstanding Personality in Your Young Child

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Competence is the first of the 7 C's, because it provides the bedrock and backdrop for resilience. Without competence, it is unlikely that the other 6 C's could be developed. A parent's role in fostering a child's competence requires some introduction.

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As your child matures, he learns more skills, masters new achievements and reaches a higher level of competence. Your reaction to these milestones has a direct result on his motivation to continue striving. If you react by applauding his efforts, your child learns that his achievements are prominent and noteworthy. However, if you ignore his accomplishments, due to your hectic life or because you take these miracles for granted for your child is merely following the path that every person trots, you send him a subtle message that it doesn't pay to continue trying. In the same vein, if you are overly complicated and ceaselessly praise, prompt, push, prod and protect, the immoderate pressure will stilt your child's growth, because he will end up feeling incompetent. Besides, the child may be pressured into aiming for more than that which is plainly possible, interfering with the natural growth process. You want to strive to originate a healthy balance of encouragement, without immoderate interference or indifference.

For many parents, it's difficult to remember that they are not playing the starring role in their child's life's show. They have an innate urge to direct, correct, fix and help out. Yet, it is imperative that you step aside and allow your child to attempt on his own. This tells your child, "I have faith in your capability to succeed." When you allow your child do his writing on his own, you express your confidence in his creativity. When you encourage your child to build clicks to his own specifications, you communicate, "I think you are capable." These messages empower your child. Even if the end result is less satisfactory than if you would've added your input, the chapter your child learnt through the independent process more than outweighs the disadvantages.

Every time you "take over the steering wheel," so to speak, you undermine your child's feeling of competence. By single-handedly solving all of your child's problems, you originate a situation in which your child is crippled; he is enduringly dependent on you. In contrast, whenever you "get out of the way" and allow your child to flex his own problem-solving muscles or give him polite encouragement from the sidelines, you look after your child's independence, self-reliance and competence. You diminish your child's internal power struggles to design his own identity, giving him the confidence to turn to you for nurturance that has no age boundaries.

Why do parents have an urge to "man the show"? They think: otherwise, their child will fail; their child is not trying his hardest; they will be embarrassed by their child's poor reflection of them; habitancy will judge them based on their children, so their children must be excellent products; their child taste the same hurt they feel when making mistakes, so they wish to safe them; their children will not live up to their high standards of wrong and right; or simply, annotation is the best form of guidance, and this judgment is crucial to self-improvement.

Parents tip-toe on a tightrope throughout their child's growing years. Every new phase presents another twist on the same old question: To be or to let be? To be there too much, to be there too small or to let the child plainly be?

It begins when the toddler takes his first step. Will his mum applaud him, ignore him or scoop him up into her arms, lest he fall and hurt himself? It continues as the toddler begins progresses to walking nearby the house and exploring his environment. Will his mum enduringly yell at him for touching her delicate knick-knacks or will she child-proof her home to enable him to pleasure in the joy of discovery? It is highlighted as the four-year-old child begins to play with toys, when the mum can allow him to use his fertile imagination to build the tower of his heart's content, or she can "take over" the job as "construction foreman" giving him detailed instructions about every brick, or she can ignore his efforts and plainly remind him to clean up. It is replayed as the six-year-old paints a picture; his mum can appreciate his creativity and give exact compliments about the painting, or "teach" him how to do it better next time. It continues as the ten-year-old's teacher assigns a science project. mum can encourage from the sidelines, do the task for the child or knock the child's efforts by comparing his results with a classmate's. It intensifies as the child hits juvenile friend problems. Does mum dictate a solution, fix the problem by interfering, downplay the child's hurt or boost the child's competence by displaying your trust in him and asking, "What do you think you could do to make things better?"

In every phase, in every stage, the props may be different, but the parent's reaction sends the same signal. Even the age-old dilemma of sibling rivalry presents a scenario in which parents can pick to "be judge" and solve their children's fights or say, "I trust that you can work this out on your own."

Lesson number one in fostering your child's competence is "getting out of the way" and giving him the opening to design this trait on his own.

Lesson number two is to give your child free time to play. Over scheduling a child's unstructured time (i.e. Every Sunday is filled with a program, beginning with music lessons from 9 to 10 am and ending with baking sessions from 9 to 10 pm, with an hour-by-hour itinerary in between) is yet another way of limiting the child's capability to eye his own areas of competence. Free play is an opening to design imagination and eye personal areas of interest - to realize new areas of competence. Free play also teaches the child to accomplish competence in many life skills, such as working with others, negotiating, sharing and giving in. It is also an opening for the child to design on his own pace. In addition, when you eye or join from the sidelines, while letting the child direct the activity, you gain a new perspective of your child's world from his vantage point.

In increasing to avoiding over-interference and giving your child free time to design his own areas of competence, chapter number three is praise and criticize your child smartly.

A smart parent will praise even "ordinary, age-appropriate" achievements. A smart parent will not overdo the praise, for the child will feel talked down to and become unmotivated to strive for true greatness. A smart parent will use specifics to praise, such as "You used a gorgeous shade of red to paint that flower," instead of using vague, clichéd generalities.

Well-targeted annotation is even more tricky, but equally crucial to design a child's competence. Damaging annotation is crippling; it causes a child to feel incapable, (the opposite of competent,) crushes his motivation and leads to shame, anger and resentment. Yet, without guidance, a child cannot progress. A parent cannot be afraid to point out how a child can improve; she should plainly seek to do it smartly.

When criticizing, be constructive and be specific. annotation that's constructive offers concrete guidance as to how the situation can be remedied instead of harping on the problem. "To clean up spilled milk, we use a rag and..." annotation that's exact is geared for the given situation and does not charge the child. It's ok to target the scenario and say, "you have talked on the phone long adequate is advent and each family member is needed to pitch in. We need your help to pull the wagon" It's not ok to negate the whole someone and yell, "You're one selfish, self-centered child!" annotation is even smarter when the child is given room to frame out on his own how to solve his problems, thereby adding to his competence and not destroying his confidence - besides, of course, having the child expert the chapter in a more permanent, sufficient manner.

These three pointers are a backdrop upon which your child can begin to build his own fortress of strengths; the fertile ground to breed upon competence; the bedrock to look after the seven C's, ultimately prominent to resilience.

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